I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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