She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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