I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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