Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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