"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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