its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize