i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
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So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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