I must be too annoying 4 u.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
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Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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