A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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