can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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