she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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