I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
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I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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