the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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