We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i will never coherently bang her
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling are messing with the penis
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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