So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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