you didnt know i had herpes?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
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I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
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Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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