Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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