So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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