Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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