Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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