I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
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I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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