My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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