I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
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