Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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