He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
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Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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