Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
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If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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