Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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