Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
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I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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