Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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