I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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