mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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