What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
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How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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