What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
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He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
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Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
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