her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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