You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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