In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
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I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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