Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I want to fling myself into the sun
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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