Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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