sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
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He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
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I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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