I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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