Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
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That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
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also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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