; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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