There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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