Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize