now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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