No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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