we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
only you would photoshop your dick
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i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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