I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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