but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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