Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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